well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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