she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
