Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
