You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
