Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
