you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
