Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
