Kiss
Puke
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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