My friends, they love my intelligence
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
