The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize