Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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