yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
