I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
bring money and cleavage
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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