I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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