Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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