Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize