Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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