Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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