Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
