Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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