I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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