She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
