hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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