You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
