The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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