can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We need to rekindle our bromance
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
