You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
