your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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