Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
