Where did you get a picture of my penis
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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