i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
