Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
