That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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