Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
