I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
barbara walters just said penis...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
