ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
