a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
