break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
