if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
