Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
