I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
