if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize