I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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