You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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