we made out on top of his cat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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