guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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