you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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