obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
