Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
