started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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