oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
