you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh god it's open bar.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
