Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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