I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
