great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
