Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
