You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
