btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
