I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
