i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
