Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
