I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
