i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
