Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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